Here's where you get to find out what the Stu boys are really saying. Click on a song title to go to that song. Note that some of these are not on-line yet, so you'll just have to wait, you little impatient brats.

All lyrics are either by us or from the show. You can figure out which are which, you're smart kids!

Disco Stu
Hot Dogs (Seventeen)
We Do
A Very Good Beer
Die, Bad Robots, Die!
Moe
Quimby
Hark to the Tale of Nelson
Cletus, the Slack-Jawed Yokel
Oh Mindy
The Ballad of the Tomfoolery of Professor John Frink
Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Comin' Up Milhouse

Disco Stu
Disco Stu
Disco Stu
Disco Stu
Disco Stu
Disco Stu don't advertise
Wants you to be comfortable while he does his thing
Disco Stu
Disco Stu
Disco Stu I think I love you
But I want to know for sure
Snow fox at five o'clock
Back away, not today
Disco Stu is gonna groove up some dough playing tic-tac-toe

Hot Dogs (Seventeen)
Hot dogs
Armour hot dogs
What kind of kids eat Armour hot dogs
Fat kids
Skinny kids
Kids who climb on rocks
Tough kids
Sissy kids
Even kids with chicken pox
Love hot dogs
Armour hot dogs
The dogs kids love to BITE!
Please buy Armour brand hot dogs

We Do
There was nothing in Al Capone's Vault
But it wasn't Geraldo's fault
1-2-3-4
Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do
We do
Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do
We do
Who hold back the electric car?
Who made Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do
We do
Who robs cavefish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do
We do
We do
We DO!

A Very Good Beer
When I was seventeen
I drank a very good beer
A very good beer
That I purchased
With a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee
I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was seventeen
When I was seventeen
Oooooooo
[Repeat, only much louder]

Die, Bad Robots, Die!
You looked at me
I thought you were flirting
But I know that now you weren't
So die, bad robots, die
Die, bad robots, die
Die, bad robots, die
Die, bad robots, die
With a click of the camera
I'll knock you out with a flash
And you'll fall down
To the BORT liscence plates and the trash
So die, bad robots, die
Die, bad robots, die
Die, bad robots, die
Die, bad robots, die
Die, bad robots, DIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!
With a dry cool wit like that, I could be an action hero

Moe
In a tavern by King Toot's music store
There's a man who ain't got no dreams no more
He's Moumar Syzlak and he'll never get too far
'Cause he's always drawn back to that dank old bar
He's the Little Rascal that we all forgot
And he was Kid Gorgeous until he got hit a lot
Now an ugly, hate-filled man
From head to toe
He's the tragedy that we call Moe
Happy hour is a tale of woe
And at closing time, lonely Moe
Oh when the saints go over there
When the saints go over there
How I want to be in that rhumba
When the saints go over there
Over there
Over there!
His accent ain't the only thing he's lost
I don't want to know how much those pandas cost
But down to Walnut Street we can always go
To get loaded from the guy named Moe
Happy hour is a tale of woe
And at closing time, lonely Moe
1-2-3-4

Quimby
Morals and ethics and carnal forebearance
Without Mayor Quimby, our town would really stink
We wouldn't have our tire yard or mis-sized rollar rink
We wouldn't have our gallows or shiny Bigfoot trap
It's not the mayor's fault that the stadium collapsed
Vote Quimby
If you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you

Hark to the Tale of Nelson
Hark to the tale of Nelson
And the boy he loved so dear
They remained the best of friends
For years and years and years

Cletus, the Slack-Jawed Yokel
Most folk'll never eat a skunk
But then again some folk'll
Like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel
Most folk'll never lost a toe
But then again some folk'll
Like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel

Oh Mindy
Oh Mindy
You came and you gave without flaking
So I sent some Ben Gay to Andy
When he came and stopped me from somthing
Oh Margie
You came you gave me a turkey
On my vacation away from worky
La da da da la la la

The Ballad of the Tomfoolery of Professor John Frink
Professor Frink, Professor Frink
He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think
Once you had a wife with you
But out the window your baby flew
That was all it took
Professor Frink, Professor Frink
Change your coat from white to green
Once had a lover
Wild wing-ding by the cyclotron
Where has she gone?
Professor Frink, science is too harsh a mistress
Professor Frink, tryin' to invent a cure for loneliness
Professor Frink, she's never coming home
To you
Professor Frink
Professor Frink
He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think
Professor Frink, Professor Frink
Change your coat from white to green

Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Whether igloo, hut, or geodesic dome
There's no structure I have been to
That I'd rather call my home
When I first arrived, you were all such jerks
But now I've come to love your perks
Maggie with her eyes so bright
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright
Lisa can philosophize
Bart's adept at spinning lies
Homer's a delightful fella
Sorry 'bout the Salmonella
That's OK
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part
Oh won't you rhyme with me
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Their floors are sticky-mart
They made dad sicky-mart
Let's hurt a brick-e-mart
The Kwik-E-Mart is real.... d'oh!
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart, not me!
Forget the Kwik-E-Mart (not me!)
Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart (not me!)
So long to Kwik-E-Mart (not me!)
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart... Not ME!
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
I doooooooo

Comin' Up Milhouse
Hey Lisa, glad to see you again
It's me, Bart's blue-haired friend
I know I'm like a big sister, but I just wanna see
If you've changed you mind about going out with me
'Cause I've got a good feeling
Yeah!
Everything's coming up Milhouse
Coming up Milhouse
Coming up Milhouse
Hey!
Well, weekday dad may be on TV
But I prefer the one working at the cracker factory
My Bazooka Joe jacket is so very cool
And my mom says I'm the hottest guy in school
And why would she lie to me?
Yeah!
It's coming up Milhouse
Coming up Milhouse
Coming up Milhouse
Hey!
Dio Stu!
Yeeeeaaaaah
Open the fridge, move those pickles
Got to find where they hid the fudgeicles
Something to go with my Supressitol
Before a quick round of cup and ball
I never lose
Yeah!
It's coming up Milhouse
Coming up Milhouse
Coming up Milhouse
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Milhouse
Coming up Milhouse
Milhouse
Milhouse
Hey hey hey hey yeah!